Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 20 May 24th 2009

'Mustard's no good without roast beef' - Chico Marx


Another Sunday and off to the fish and chips shop….no, that’s a lie. No chips or battered mushroom today. The meat-eaters of the house played a cruel card on me today. They were going to have Shepherd’s Pie; second only to a roast as the finest meal a man can eat on a Sunday. So I stepped up to the plate and created something beautiful;

Duke ShawZy’s Gardener’s Pie
(It can’t be called Shepherd’s pie as they raise animals to kill, so I thought a gardener is like the shepherd of the vegetarian….)

I had the mince base thanks to Quorn. But I needed a gravy-like substance. Then it dawned on me. Vegetable soup! Ok, it didn’t dawn on me. That was the only thing I could find in the cupboard that was even close to being able to do what I wanted. But boy did it work out well!

So to make a Duke ShawZy’s Gardener’s Pie you need;

1 Tin of Heniz Vegetable Soup

Half a bag of Quorn Mince

One chopped onion

One large chopped carrot

Enough mashed potatoes to cover the dish you’re using

A mix of grated Red Leicester and Mature Cheddar; enough to cover the mash.

To make a Duke ShawZy’s Gardener’s Pie you have to;

Add the mince, soup, onion and carrot to a pan and heat for about 20 minutes.

Pour the mix into a casserole dish.

Top with mash and then top that with grated cheese.

Pop under a grill until cheese in melted and crisp.

Serve.

Done!

The only problem is what gravy to serve it with. I didn’t have any Onion gravy in so what was I to do? Then I noticed it; a small V on side of a carton of Bisto gravy granules. Suitable for Vegetarians! Who would have thought it! The search was over.

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 19 May 23nd 2009

'Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce Pray' - Moorish Proverb


3 weeks in and I needed a night on the town. Douglas, capital city of the Isle of Man, is not a place for the sober on a Saturday night. Like something Hunter S. Thompson would have described. Hideous people in various states of drunkenness. Normally I’m one of the masses but on this rare occasion I saw the other side of the beast. After a few Colas I headed to a charity concert to see the Island’s premier blues musician Mr Riff.

Whilst at said charity gig a conversation was struck with a musician who wanted to break into the world of anti-folk music. What’s anti-folk you ask? He reckoned it’s like normal folk that doesn’t take itself very seriously but also takes itself very seriously. Confused? So was I. Wikipedia describes it as;

‘The music sub-genre known as anti-folk (or antifolk) takes the earnestness of politically charged 1960s music and subverts it. The defining characteristics of this sub-genre are hard to pin down, as they vary from one artist to the next. Nonetheless, most would accept that the music tends to sound raw or experimental; it also generally mocks the seriousness and pretension of the established mainstream music scene in addition to mocking itself’

Still none the wiser! I’m sure if I was drunk I would have been quite impressed by anti-folk but with all my wits about me it just had to nod politely.

After a spot of midnight tea with Mr Riff I took a leap of faith and headed off to the local nightclub. All I can say is that it stunk of vomit and sweat.

But what’s the best thing about going to a club sober? Drunken girls buy drinks for you! Normally if both parties are drunk then chivalry kicks in and the inebriated male demands he pays should the female raise a notion to use her hard earned cash. But when the male is sober and the female is drunk then it’s like taking candy from a baby (which I also did, stupid drunken baby couldn’t even fight back). To quote one girl ‘I’m buying you a drink because you have kind eyes’ If only you knew baby! (The only shame was the drink had to be non-alcoholic, a triple cheeky Vimto would have gone down well though that would have brought about the usual situation of me paying! Catch 22 indeed)

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

Branston Pickle

As I was out on town the only food I could obtain was a cheese and Branston pickle baguette from a convenience store. Since we have already looked at cheese that leaves us with Branston Pickle!

‘Branston Pickle is made from a variety of diced vegetables, including swede, carrots, onions, cauliflower and gherkins pickled in a sauce made from vinegar, tomato, apple and dates with spices such as mustard, coriander, garlic, cinnamon, pepper, cloves, nutmeg and cayenne pepper with sugar. In recent years the sugar has been replaced with high fructose corn syrup.’

However it almost ended;

‘At 1:45am on 27 October 2004 a massive fire almost destroyed the entire Bury St Edmunds factory and cut the stocks of Branston Pickle in half, thus reducing the supply of the product and in some instances increasing the price. The factory is now back in production and has recently launched Branston Tomato Ketchup and Brown Sauce along with a range of relishes and Baked Beans’ (Wikipedia)

I also like the varieties of burger relish that the Branston Brand produces. They got me through the Linda McCartney burger. I recommend the Hot Chilli and Jalapeño one!

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 18 May 22nd 2009

'If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat' - Tom Snyder

I was awoken in the early hours by an incessant buzzing and the occasional bang. I looked up to see a Cockchafer launching an assault on my bedroom. Yes, you read that right, a Cockchafer. And no it is not someone who chaffs cocks. It is the proper name of a May Bug. Big ugly beetle-like insect;

It noticed me and turned its attack toward in my direction; dive bombing a poor defenceless teetotal vegetarian. I ran for the sanctity of the bathroom and hid for 5 minutes listening to the damage being done. After a while I manned up and headed out to capture the beast; and after a long drawn out game of wits it was returned to dark that it had emerged from.

I thought it prevalent to include this tale of woe in the vegetarian section of the blog as according to Wikipedia;

In some areas and times, cockchafers even served as food. A 19th century recipe from France for cockchafer soup reads: "roast 1 lb (454 g) of cockchafers without wings and legs in sizzling butter, then cook them in a chicken soup, add some veal liver and serve with chives on a toast". And a German newspaper from Fulda from the 1920s tells of students eating sugar-coated cockchafers. A cockchafer stew is referred to in W.G. Sebald's novel The Emigrants.

People ate Cockchafers?! It’s enough to turn you off meat for life! Well, almost.

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

The co-operative cheese, garlic and tortelloni.

Box Blurb: Filled free range egg pasta parcels with ricotta, full fat soft cheese, Cheddar cheese, Italian style hard cheese and spinach.

The co-operative fusilli.

Box Blurb: Tricolour pasta twists made with durum wheat

As I was in a rush this evening I grabbed at the cupboard in search of a quick meal. Microwave fodder aside there is nothing quicker than pasta. There is a wealth of pasta in many shapes and sizes. Fresh pasta is cooked in hot water in a matter of minutes will the dried variety takes around 10 minutes. Throw in a pasta sauce and you have a filling meal. While it could be any kind of pasta the two I had in where a tortelloni;

‘Tortelloni are stuffed pasta, the same shape as tortellini, but larger. They are usually stuffed with Ricotta cheese and leaf vegetables, such as spinach.’

And a fusilli;

‘Fusilli (also called pasta twirls) is a small, thick, corkscrew shaped pasta. The word fusilli means "little spindles" in Italian. Green and red varieties of fusilli (or any pasta) are created by using spinach or beet juice, respectively, instead of water.’

(all definitions from Wikipedia)

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 17 May 21th 2009

'I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me' - Hunter S. Thompson, Gonzo Journalist


The Mikado revolution that I’ve started is taking shape. When using a public toilet today I noticed a pleasing sight in the dustbin. In place of the usual needles and drug paraphernalia there were three boxes of Mikado! Result!

One thing I’ve found when checking food to see if its vegetarian friendly is there are many different V logos out there. Shouldn’t there be a uniformed mark? On the Food Standards Agency is the following Question and Answer; www.eatwell.gov.uk

‘What does 'vegetarian' or 'suitable for vegetarians' mean?

There isn't a single legal definition of the word 'vegetarian', either in the UK or in Europe. This means there isn't one set of rules about when a food can be called vegetarian. So what a 'vegetarian' food does or doesn't contain could vary from product to product.

If a food is labelled vegetarian, this usually means that the food doesn't contain any meat or animal-derived additives such as gelatine (a gelling agent derived from animal ligaments, skins, tendons, bones etc.) In the case of cheese, it usually means that animal-derived rennet hasn't been used to make it.

Some vegetarians are stricter about what foods they avoid than others. Remember, if you want to avoid a particular ingredient, you can check the ingredients list on a food's label.

Manufacturers aren't required to label foods as 'suitable for vegetarians' because this is a voluntary practice. This means there are many foods without the 'suitable for vegetarians' logo that don't contain meat or animal-derived additives.

Foods approved by the Vegetarian Society can display the Society's 'Seedling Symbol'. To be approved, the food must meet a number of conditions, not just be free of meat and animal-derived additives. For example, foods containing eggs will only be approved if the eggs used are free-range.

Even though there isn't one set of rules about when a food can be called vegetarian, general labelling laws prohibit manufacturers and retailers from describing a food in a misleading way’

There you go then!

One of the many V's you may find

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

Quorn Chicken Style Pieces

Box Blurb: Delicious, tender Quorn pieces perfect for stir fries, curries, casseroles and all your favourite recipes

Don’t worry. Your not experiencing Déjà vu (or nIb'poH if you’re a Klingon…who said watching Star Trek: The Next Generation was a waste?) Quorn Chicken Style Pieces have featured already but with disastrous results. However shopping today I found ‘fresh’ Quorn Chicken Style Pieces in the chiller cabinet. So I decided to try them again. Following the box blurb in that they are meant to be delicious in a variety of dishes, and the first dish I tried being a stir fry, I decided to give a curry a go; it being the next dish mentioned. My original complaint was that without much sauce the pieces didn’t taste too good. So I hoped a curry would mask the short fallings and provide a better dish. And it did. Using a classic Balti sauce the finished meal was definitely edible and whilst it seems crazy that to make it edible I had to cover the Quorn in a spicy sauce I guess its just par for the course when it comes cooking mycoprotein. The less of it you can taste the better!

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 16 May 20th 2009

'Vegetarianism is harmless enough though it is apt to fill a man with wind and self-righteousness' - Robert Hutchison, address to the British Medical Association, 1930

Since we live in such a celebrity obsessed society I thought today would be a good day to look at some of the big names who make (or made) it their business to not drink alcohol. It’s worth noting that many Teetotallers spent plenty of time drinking alcohol before they turned their backs on the Nectar of Gods.

Famous Teetotallers:

Donald Trump – Entrepreneur

Tilda Swinton – Manly looking actress/ Queen of Pretence

Gerard Way – Lead singer of My Chemical Romance

Peter Kay – ‘Comedian’

Adolf Hitler – Fuhrer of Germany

Michael Martin – Ex-speaker of the House of Commons

Robert Mugabe – President of Zimbabwe

Andy Murray – Tennis Player

All reasons why being a teetotal is like owning an Audi. It makes you a cock! (Jeremy Clarkson said it, the Audi bit anyway, so it must be true)

If ever a man needed a drink....

However, in the interest of fairness, there are some people who don’t drink that I would like to have a drink with if they did drink (and in some cases if they were still alive);

H.P. Lovecraft – Horror/ Sci-Fi Writer

Samuel L. Jackson – Actor (Jurassic Park)

Ross Noble – Comedian

Abraham Lincoln – 16^th President of the USA

Tom Cruise – Actor (Mission Impossible) (say what you want about him, I love the little guy!)

Also there are some smoking hot babes who don’t drink which sadly makes pulling them that little bit harder for the average man (as in the chance goes from 0.00000001% to 0.000000001%);

Kim Cattrall – Actress (Big Trouble in Little China)

Fearne Cotton – Presentor

Elizha Dushku – Actress (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Natalie Portman – Actress (V for Vendetta)

Sarah Silverman – Comedian

And in an instance of cosmic irony (not to be confused with literal irony; that’s aimed at you ALANIS!) the man behind the voice of Homer Simpsons, TV’s favourite drunk, Dan Castellaneta is a teetotaller!

Keeping with the celebrity theme its back over to Linda McCartney for today’s Vegetarian Dish of the Day;

Linda McCartney 4 Vegetarian Quarter Pounder Burgers

Box Blurb: A vegetarian burger flavoured with onion and seasoning

After original hating then being won over by the Quorn Burger I had high hopes for Linda’s entry. So far Linda has been a mark of quality. However it is with a heavy heart (from years of eating fatty meat burgers) that I report these to be quite awful. It might be the fact that the Quorn burgers are small enough to be discreet when used correctly but as a Quarter Pounder I just couldn’t stomach the bland, dryness of these. I found myself overdosing on sauce to at least add some flavour to the proceedings. I cooked two and could only just force my way through one. Unlike the Quorn Burgers these can’t be micro waved (thankfully) so I opted to grill. Was this a mistake? Like the Quorn would I have been better shallow frying. Is that the secret to adding flavour? In this case I doubt it.

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 15 May 19th 2009

''This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption... Beer!" - Friar Tuck: Robin Hood Prince of Thieves

Alcohol has been around along time. According to Wikipedia;

‘The purposeful production of alcoholic beverages is common in many cultures and often reflects their cultural and religious peculiarities as much as their geographical and sociological conditions.

The discovery of late Stone Age beer jugs has established the fact that purposely fermented beverages existed at least as early as c. 10,000 BC. It has been suggested that beer may have preceded bread as a staple.’

So it’s possible that people were getting drunk well before they were making cheese toasties. What did they eat when they got the munchies? Many ancient civilisations supped the ale but I’ve always like Egypt so lets see what Wikipedia has to say about their role in the production of alcoholic beverages;

‘Evidence of wine only appeared as a finished product in Egyptian pictographs around 4000 BC.

Brewing dates from the beginning of civilization in ancient Egypt and alcoholic beverages were very important at that time. Symbolic of this is the fact that while many gods were local or familial, Osiris was worshiped throughout the entire country. The Egyptians believed that this important god invented beer, a beverage that was considered a necessity of life; it was brewed in the home "on an everyday basis."

Both beer and wine were deified and offered to gods. Cellars and wine presses even had a god whose hieroglyph was a winepress. The ancient Egyptians made at least 17 types of beer and at least 24 varieties of wine. Alcoholic beverages were used for pleasure, nutrition, medicine, ritual, remuneration and funerary purposes. The latter involved storing the beverages in tombs of the deceased for their use in the after-life.

Numerous accounts of the period stressed the importance of moderation, and these norms were both secular and religious. While Egyptians did not generally appear to define drunkenness as a problem, they warned against taverns (which were often houses of prostitution) and excessive drinking. After reviewing extensive evidence regarding the widespread but generally moderate use of alcoholic beverage, the nutritional biochemist and historian William J. Darby makes a most important observation: all these accounts are warped by the fact that moderate users "were overshadowed by their more boisterous counterparts who added 'colour' to history." Thus, the intemperate use of alcohol throughout history receives a disproportionate amount of attention. Those who abuse alcohol cause problems, draw attention to themselves, are highly visible and cause legislation to be enacted. The vast majority of drinkers, who neither experience nor cause difficulties, are not noteworthy. Consequently, observers and writers largely ignore moderation’

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

Quorn Surprisingly Versatile Deli Wafer Thin Ham Style

Box Blurb: Ideal for snacks, sandwiches and salads.

I really haven’t got much to say about this. Identical in texture to the Chicken Style I sampled early on in the bet. It has a faux ham taste that your brain reads as ham but then gets a bit confused as to why it did. No bad but then nothing special either.

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 14 May 18th 2009

‘Nothing more strongly arouses our disgust than cannibalism, yet we make the same impression on Buddhists and vegetarians, for we feed on babies, though not our own’ – Robert Louis Stevenson

First things first! No updates for a while because I have been without a PC. But don’t worry I’ve been making notes!

Did you know that the 1^st of October is World Vegetarian Day? Whilst not as good as the 19^th September (Talk like a Pirate Day for those not in the know) it looks interesting. While its still a long way off until this years event chances are I will be tucking into a hog roast come October 1^st so we will have to examine it now.

According to the official website;

‘World Vegetarian Day was founded by the North American Vegetarian Society (NAVS) in 1977 and was endorsed by the International Vegetarian Union in 1978. October 1 is the official date, however, if necessary, individuals may schedule their event on a nearby day instead’

Come on Vegetarians, have a little fight in you. How meek is that. Don’t let people reschedule! Make them have there event on the day set aside for them.

World Vegetarian Day is the kick-off for Vegetarian Awareness Month. I assume that lasts all October.

Below are some suggestions for Non-vegetarians to get involved;

• Eat meat-free for the day or throughout the month – (Who in their right mind would go meat-free for a month?)

• Learn how a vegetarian diet can benefit you personally

• Try the meatless options available at local restaurants and eateries

• Discuss vegetarianism with your interested friends, family and co-workers – (Only your interested friend mind, don’t go bothering thought not interested)

• Host a meatless meal or potluck for your friends - (Potluck, like a meaty Russian Roulette. 6 Meals. One contains steak. The others contain Quorn. Who will be the lucky one?)

• Eat meatless meals on a regular basis

They are very polite if nothing else!

You can find out more at http://www.worldvegetarianday.org/

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

The Co-Operative Summer Eating Stuffed Peppers

Box Blurb: 2 red pepper halves filled with cooked long grain rice, roasted butternut squash, onion, cream cheese, sun-dried tomato paste and garlic topped with Cheddar cheese and breadcrumbs.

I’m a big fan of peppers. These however were very middle of the road. The mixture featured in these was edible but maybe too cluttered. Check the list in the box blurb section. Could they cram anymore into a humble capsicum? I doubt it. Another problem with these was they were not really a stuffed pepper. The pepper had already been split before cooking and the filling added to each half. As such you don’t get the same affect as if the pepper was whole when cooked. The butternut squash didn’t bond with the rest of the ingredients and I think taking it out would benefit the whole. I oven roasted these but they can also be barbecued. I think this method would suit them a lot more; adding an extra dimension. In the oven they took a lot longer than the stated cooking time and even then they seemed a little undercooked. Tasty but could be better!

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 13 May 17th 2009

''Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fun-gi!'' – Traditional 11^th Century Proverb

Another Sunday, another trip to the fish and chip shop. Two weeks in and this blog has made it look like I go every Sunday but I swear its just coincidence. After last weeks disappointment of just chips I was determined to look past the mushy peas and find something else to eat. And whilst not a treasure trove I at least found a few gems.
Battered Mushrooms and Cheese and Onion Pie (Animal rennet-free; I asked!). The pie wasn’t great but at least it was something. Too stodgy but then I shouldn’t expect finery from a Chippy. The shrooms on the other hand were heavenly. Served with a garlic sauce I could have eaten them for hours. And with that let’s look at the Vegetarian Dish of the Day.

Mushrooms

Mushrooms are the vegetarian’s steak. And whilst they go down exceedingly well with a real steak they are, to me, the Wundergemüse. Which is impressive considering they are not a vegetable but a fungus. I will even go so far as to describe them as ‘meaty’. They are the perfect natural replacement for real meat in many dishes. Be it the Foo Yeung at a Chinese, battered at a fish and chip shop or as a topping on a pizza; without the mushroom takeaway food would be even more depressing for a vegetarian. At home they can and should be added to every meal; vegetarian or not. When raw they have a dreadful dry texture and it is only during cooking that they come to life.

The mushroom usually used for all this is properly known as a Button Mushroom (Agaricus bisporus to give the Latin name) but like a host of z-list celebrities we don’t need the full name to know what is being talked about. The thought of eating mushrooms once disgusted me; it was like eating mould (oh hang on!). But then one day, many years ago, I ordered a chicken and mushroom pizza instead of chicken and sweetcorn by accident and it suddenly clicked. Since then mushrooms have been revered by me. Plus Super Mario practically lives off them so if they are ok for him then they are ok for me. I'm just upset they don't make me grow bigger. We will just have to leave that job to Jessica Alba.

Also the bet is for no drink or meat. Other illicit substances were not mentioned and as such not included. Maybe the humble mushroom can provide me with an alternate for the alcohol side of the bet as well… (Before the police break down my door, give me a brutal beating which leads to my death then deny that they were at my house until someone posts a video on YouTube only to eventually get away with it despite growing public resentment the above comment should be taken as a joke!)

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 12 May 16th 2009

''I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer’’ - Homer Simpson

When I was a kid I wondered why people drank alcohol; killing their brain cells and looking a fool. Then I got drunk myself and have never looked back, until now. As I’ve looked a lot already at vegetarianism it’s about time I started to think about drink; the other half of the bet. I spend a lot of time under the influence of the nectar of the Gods and despite waking up many a morning thinking ‘never again’ I enjoy it. Like any drug it is a release from normality. As the English poet Samuel Johnson said ‘He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man’. And while it is no less dangerous than many drugs that can send you to prison for possessing or distributing them it is an accepted part of modern society. What of the people who choose not to party till the puke? They are called Teetotallers and practise Teetotalism. The Miriam-Webster dictionary defines this as;

noun: the principle or practice of complete abstinence from alcoholic drinks.

For more information we can turn once again to Wikipedia; the fountain of possibly compromised knowledge. ‘Some common reasons for choosing teetotalism are religious, health, family, philosophical and/or social reasons, and, sometimes, as simply a matter of taste preference. When at drinking establishments, they either abstain from drinking or consume non-alcoholic beverages such as tea, coffee, water, juice, and soft drinks.

Contemporary and colloquial usage has somewhat expanded teetotalism to include strict abstinence from most "recreational" intoxicants (legal and illegal, see controlled substances). Most teetotaller organizations also demand from their members that they do not promote or produce non-alcoholic intoxicants.’

I guess they should add ‘Gentleman’s Wager’ to the list of reasons!

One thing that is always welcome on a Saturday morning following a drinking session the night before is a fry-up. Greasy bacon, greasy sausage, fried eggs, fried bread. All these things mean that the UK has a lot of people with heart problems later in life but fewer hangovers in the here and now. Now a fry-up is usually better from a medicinal point when the drink is alcohol but in the name of science I am trying to go about my usually routine so whilst the fry-up was not needed to cure a headache it would usually be eaten for this purpose.

As I couldn’t find any vegetarian sausages I had to resort to the last remaining pitiful Quorn burgers to add some bulk to the plate. Then something magical occurred. Shallow-fried and served with eggs, beans, toast and chopped tomatoes the once frowned upon mycoprotein patties must have looked at their pitiful last attempt and decided ‘We will not go quietly into the bin’ and brought the thunder. Maybe two weeks in I am just becoming more accepting but this was a fry-up I would certainly do again.

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

Quorn Mince

Box Blurb: Deliciously versatile Quorn mince, perfect for bolognese, chilli, cottage pie and all your favourite recipes.

Many people who I have talked to about the bet have said that Quorn Mince is very tasty and even thought they are not vegetarians they use it over minced beef. Things were looking good for Quorn then. After the top form of the burgers for breakfast could the mince do enough to give them a 1-2 finish on the podium?

At first I was hesitant. It was mince Jim, but not as I knew it. But as I got going I lost my initial trepidation. If I hadn't know better there is a high probablity I wouldn't have been able to tell this was Quorn. In terms of texture it is spot on, as prophesised, without the gristle. So there are no random and distasteful instances of nasty bits getting caught up in your teeth. Cooking couldn’t be simpler. Add the frozen mince to a pan, add sauce and cook. No cooking the mince for a bit first as usual with a meat. I went for a chilli con carne and it was spot-on. This costs about the same as your mid-level mince but is tenderer and a mind easily tricked can imagine it is getting a higher quality meat meal. It’s a replacement product that uses stealth and does a successful job whilst not bringing attention to itself with OTT flavouring. Another win for Soylent Quorn then! The futures bright! The futures green!

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 11 May 15th 2009

Some things are just beyond explanation. Such as the fact that Cheese Moments are a non-vegetarian snack whilst Walkers Steak and Onion crisps are 'suitable for vegetarians' Madness!

But there is method apparently. 'Cheese Flavoured Moments are unique among popular crisps and snacks in that they actually contain a real cheese filling inside the wheat exterior. Because of this they are allowed to use the word "Flavoured" in their title. Because the other crisps do not contain the real ingredients they instead use the word "Flavour". This is a legal requirement in the UK' (Wikipedia).

So just to confirm; while the Steak and Onion crisps are just Steak and Onion flavour (as in contains no meat products) the Cheese Moments contain a real cheese that contains animal rennet.

Rennet is 'is a natural complex of enzymes produced in any mammalian stomach to digest the mother's milk, and is often used in the production of cheese. Natural calf rennet is extracted from the inner mucosa of the fourth stomach chamber (the abomasum) of young calves. These stomachs are a by-product of veal production. If rennet is extracted from older calves (grass-fed or grain-fed) the rennet contains less or no chymosin but a high level of pepsin and can only be used for special types of milk and cheeses.’ (Wikipedia)

There are non-meat rennet’s available (usually made from mould or genetically engineered surprise surprise!) which is why many cheese products can bear the 'Vegetarian Friendly' mark. Why they couldn't use a vegetarian safe cheese in the Cheese Moments is beyond me! (Listen to me; defending the rights of the meek. Well I never!). On a side note I didn't have any Steak and Onion crisps. Like a smoker smelling second-hand smoke I was worried I would relapse. I stuck to the Cheese and Onion crisps (Flavour not Flavoured; didn't have to worry about the rennet)

After a session in the pub (alcohol based or not) it's customary to indulge in a takeaway. Tonight it would be a Chinese. At this particular takeaway the menu has 103 dishes (116 including side orders). Of these only 3 didn’t contain meat (15 including side orders). My options were Mushroom Egg Foo Yeung, Curried Vegetables or Mixed Vegetable Chow Mein. I had a wealth of rice, mushrooms and beansprouts to choose from on the side, which of course could be combined to create a new Gestalt meal, but it’s seems a bit harsh even to me. 3 options! Out of 103 dishes! That’s like 97.1% of the menu is off limits to those whom don’t eat the meat (sounding very M.Night Shyamalan circa The Village (2004) there).

In the end I went with the Mushroom Foo Yeung with a side of the old vegetarian favourite; chips. If anything I will have eaten a lot more of those potato-based treats than usually over the course of the bet. And I managed to resist the Prawn Crackers too. Whether they are actually Prawn ‘Flavour’ as opposed to ‘Flavoured’ I don’t know but didn’t want to take the risk.

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

Mikado

Box Blurb:

Mikado are ultra-thin, crunchy biscuit sticks coated with wonderfully smooth milk chocolate. We've left one end bare so you don't get your fingers sticky! To create this deliciously different snack we were inspired by the game of Mikado, also know as 'pick up sticks'. We hope you enjoy it.

As I had a takeaway tonight I didn't get round to cooking anything but as these make a point of pointing out they are suitable for vegetarians I thought I would keep with the Far East theme and make these today’s product. Why? They are insanely tasty. Whenever I go to continental Europe I make it my business to get some and now they have been launched in the UK life just got a whole lot better. The term ‘moreish’ was penned to describe these tasty treats. I can clear a box of these quicker than Bugs Bunny can chow down a carrot. Strangely these are originally a Japanese product based on a game invented in Europe named after the Japanese word for Emperor. Talk about the long way round!

What’s making me laugh at the moment is some of the response over the advertising campaign used to launch these in the UK. An advert in which a young officer worker, desperate to get some Mikado in her, ends up making upskirt photocopies as her fellow male office worker walks in.

As per usual the Christians and the Do-Gooders have been getting in on the act; calling it sexiest and degrading. In the words of Nigel Tufnell; 'What's wrong with being sexy?'

You can see the ad here; http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x91m5b_mikado-advert_shortfilms

And here are some of my favourite complaints (spelling and grammar that of the original writer):

Comment A - Probably only a night time advert - japanese office worker (male) stumbles upon woman (presumably secretary) photocopying her vagina (straddling photocopier) followed by image of long thin biscuit being coated in chocolate (phallic/sex image?) and the tagline 'more than a little bit tempting' - Is it just me, or is that really sexist and gross?

Comment B - Her legs are very wide apart and the guy coming into the room is staring fixedly at the photocopies of her (presumably) butt and genitalia. Insinuation more than anything. I'm not offended but I think it's inappropriate before the watershed.

Comment C - Well, the timing of the advert for one, as it is before the watershed.

I also find it offensive because it just isn't a funny, clever or ironic advert, particularly out of context. Who on earth would think that showing an advert of a woman straddling a photocopier would make me want to buy a bloody biscuit? I think it is the product of a group of juvenile advertising executives looking to create a storm of protest.

Comment D - She is kneeling and they both look horrified. The full version does not offend me, and unless the man has a very thin penis I don't think that biscuit is big enough to rate as phallic imagery. I think it's in poor taste to only spend money showing the 10 second version until it's either a very well known ad or it was later at night.

Comment E (Mine) - Get a grip PC fools! Just buy and eat the damn biscuits so they stay in the market, otherwise I’m coming for you all with a chair, gaffer tape and a compilation of gangster rap....

(all comments taken from mumsnet.com, except the last one…)

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 10 May 14th 2009

“I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are” – Groucho Marx.

The best thing about Groucho Marx is the fact he painted on that thick greasepaint moustache. Well that and his physical comedy and the lack of swearing in his work.

Groucho aside, at this point I want to clarify the difference types of vegetarianism;

Vegetarianism – The practise of a diet that excludes meat (including game and slaughter by-products; fish, shellfish and other sea animals; and poultry).

Veganism - a form of vegetarianism which excludes all animal products from the diet, such as meat, poultry, fish, dairy products, eggs, and honey.

Lacto-vegetarianism - includes dairy products but excludes eggs.

Ovo-vegetarianism - includes eggs but not dairy.

Lacto-ovo vegetarianism - includes both eggs and dairy products.

Semi-vegetarianism - consists of a diet largely of vegetarian foods, but may include fish and sometimes poultry, as well as dairy products and eggs.

I guess that makes me a Lacto-ovo vegetarian until the end of the bet. (Definitions from Wikipedia)

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

Quorn Gruyere Cheese Escalopes

Box Blurb: Succulent quorn escalopes topped with a rich gruyere cheese sauce, and coated in crunchy golden breadcrumbs.

Quorn you sly old dog! Just when I thought you were out of the race, you come back with something as brilliant as this! I could not for the life of me tell that this was not a meat escalope. I even checked the box to make sure I hadn’t been tricked or bought the wrong product!

This tasted exactly like the meat it replicates. No strange over-flavouring or blandness and after a string of disappointing meals this really lifted my spirits. It was so full of flavour and deliciously crispy. If you can’t tell; I’m smitten!

I enjoyed my escalope with pasta but it would be equally tasty with potatoes, rice or a salad. They can be oven cooked or shallow fried (my chosen method of preparation). If Quorn is people then I would happily call myself a cannibal if all their products tasted this good. Linda McCartney; the ball is back in your court!

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 9 May 13th 2009

“Man degrades himself by consuming intoxicating drinks and non-vegetarian food and by indulging in smoking. These noxious habits affect the brain also.” - Sri Sathya Sai Baba

I wish I could degradee myself. I plan to seriously degrade myself at the end of this month!

According to Wikipedia:

‘‘Sathya Sai Baba, born Sathyanarayana Raju on November 23, 1926 with the family name of "Ratnakaram", is a controversial South Indian guru, described by his followers as a godman and miracle worker. The Sathya Sai Organization reports an estimated 1,200 Sathya Sai Baba Centers in 114 countries worldwide. The number of Sathya Sai Baba adherents is estimated to be somewhere around 6 million, although followers cite anywhere from 50 to 100 million. Followers consider him to be a reincarnation of the saint Sai Baba of Shirdi. This claim, however, has been strongly disputed.

Allegations of sexual abuse, deceit, murder and financial offences surround Sathyanarayana Raju. A BBC documentary notes that such controversies have persisted for at least 30 years. According to the BBC, "The scale of the abuse has caused alarm around the world... Governments around the world are deeply concerned and are beginning to take action, warning their citizens about Sai Baba." The website of the American Embassy in Delhi, in a direct reference to Sai Baba, warns Americans visiting Andhra Pradesh of a "local religious leader" who reportedly engages in "inappropriate sexual behavior" with young male devotees. The embassy states that "most of the reports indicate that the subjects of these approaches have been young male devotees, including a number of U.S. citizens’’

Is this what vegetarianism can do to you? I hope my will is strong enough to resist! Good hair though!

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

Pizza

Everyone loves pizza! Even those who don’t like eating pizza still love pizza. When I get a pizza I would usually go for the meat feast; the more meat the better! Chicken, Ham, Sausage, Salami, Pepperoni, Spicy Beef. There are so many possibilities. However the great thing about a pizza is the versatility. It can be just as special for a vegetarian as it is for the carnivore. Start with the Margarita, the base of almost all pizzas with its cheese and tomato, and instead of meaty delights instead you can add a wealth of vegetable toppings; mushrooms, capsicum, onion, a host of cheeses. The only limit is your imagination!

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 8 May 12th 2009

“Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter'” – Andy Rooney

So far in my efforts I have focussed much on meat replacement products. Trying to make dishes look and taste the same but with the flesh taken out. Today I have been wondering why do people bother?! If you can’t eat meat for medical reasons or something like that then fair enough to have a replacement; but if you are all about the morals then I think it’s kinda stupid. If they choose freely not to eat meat, which I’m sure is the majority of vegetarian, then why do they go to such extents to create an product which is a fake alternative? Why not just eat vegetables?! I guess what I’m trying to say is I respect vegans more for at least being fully committed to the their beliefs. It’s more black and white and I like it that way when it comes to cuisine. In food terms vegetarians seem to be the gray area. Get off the fence and pick a side!

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

Quorn Chicken Style Pieces

Box Blurb:

Delicious tender Quorn pieces, perfect for stir-fries, curries, casseroles and all your favourite recipes

With a taste unsurprisingly like the wafer thin chicken slices these are an interesting addition to the vegetarian ingredient list. Once they have been cooked they do bear a striking resemblance to actual chicken pieces. In terms of texture Chicken Style pieces are very much in the style of chicken pieces. In the sweet and sour stir-fry I cooked they worked well but my mind wasn't fooled and as such they still felt lacking.. However in a more sauce based dish such as a curry I believe they would definitely be able to pull off the job of meat replacement. Quorn may be back in the race (so long as you don’t count human as a meat).

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 7 May 11th 2009

One week in and not much to report. I feel I’m settling into this brave new world but they say when someone experiences loss they go through 5 stages. First is denial, then anger, then bargaining, then depression before finally acceptance. I’d like to think that I’ve reached acceptance but then I may still be back at the starting point with denial.

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

Jacket Potato

One of the main issues I have with vegetarian food is I don’t find it very filling. However that accusation cannot be thrown at the Jacket Potato. Like chips the varieties are endless. The classic and my current favourite is Cheese and Beans but other non-meat recipes can include mushrooms and cream, coleslaw or cream cheese and chives. A quick snack or a main meal. Also this is one thing that can be microwaved that comes out well.

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 6 May 10th 2009

What do you get from a fish and chip shop if you can’t eat fish? You guessed it. Aside from the titular chips there is nothing but perhaps mushy peas. This seems to be a grim normality with takeaways. If you don’t eat meat then your options become tiny or none-existent.

Speaking of mushy peas they are under fire at the moment. The British Food Standards Agency has outlawed all artificial food colourings; E-numbers to you and me. E102 (Tartrazine) gives Mushy peas their distinct green colour and there is currently no other colourant that can do the job. Without E102 mushy peas are a pale grey. So they are not unlike the Incredible Hulk; who started out grey in the comic books before becoming green. UK minister have laid down the law and we will have to wait and see what the outcome is. Will Mushy peas be able to Hulk it up or will the beaurocrats end this very British foodstuff?

Vegetariarn Dish of the Day:

Chips

Yes it’s another copout but in light of the weekends findings I think we have to celebrate chips as the hero of fast food for the vegetarian. Chips work well with most meat products. But when meat is unavailable, or not allowed, then they are quite happy to step up to the plate and become the main meal.

In the majority of takeaways chips are the only option for the steakless. I know in magic land there are vegetarian takeaways but in the real world, outside hippy festivals, chips provide vegetarians with something to eat when everyone else is enjoying a dirty burger or some deep friend chicken. By adding sauce or cheese you can create a variety of different dishes. What’s there to complain about?

It's Sunday, I'm resting; hence the short post!

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 5 May 9th 2009

My phone started ringing in the middle of the night and when I answered it there was heavy breathing before the line went dead. A sex pervert who got my number off a toilet wall or someone trying to scare me into stopping the investigations? Only time will tell…

Ended up in the citadel of the meat-eater today, the home of the colonel and his recipe of 11 herbs and spices; Kentucky Fried Chicken. The plan was to see what vegetarian choices I could have. It turned out I was limited to chips and corn-on-the-cob. As the huge queue moved at a snail pace towards the counter I began to get the hunger. The chemical memories of a thousand meals of greasy chicken began to take hold. Questions raced through my mind. What if I was to have some popcorn chicken, there must be next to no real meat in that? I was close to breaking when fortunately I had to leave to get a lift home. Thankfully the terrible, slow service saved me from a possible lapse. Never again will I complain that fast food doesn’t live up to its name!

How can such a kindly old man be responsible for the devil's chicken?

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

Quorn Burgers

Box Blurb: Delicious tender quorn burgers perfectly blended with onions.

All the food so far I have had to cook in the oven, under the grill or in pan. The once abused microwave sits silently in the corner. It appeared that the ways of the vegetarian had no place for speedy cooking. Then along came the Quorn burger. Now you can cook them other ways, and with most foods I’m sure they taste better when not blasted with electromagnetic waves, but I felt they had to be zapped in the interest of science (and time constraints).

So into the microwave the patty went and 2 minutes later out came the Quorn Burger. It was at this stage microwaving seemed like a bad idea. Although edible in its own right the consistency of the burger was very poor; with scattered patches overcooked or undercooked. It was too dry. A burger needs to be juicy.

I will give the Quorn burger another try and use another cooking method to see if the microwave was responsible for the poor showing but it doesn’t look good. So far Quorn is letting the side down. More Linda McCartney is needed!

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 4 May 8th 2009

''No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer."
-John Churchill, First Duke of Marlborough

The above quote sums up the way I feel at the moment. No meat and no alcohol has taken the fight out of me. The biggest nuisance of today? Friday is the end of the working week. Only a fool doesn’t go out drinking when the day is done. And for a month that makes me a fool. Sitting in a pub while everyone else is enjoying the nectar of Gods, sipping a variety of non-alcoholic luminous liquids, is no way to celebrate getting through a week of work. This was the first time I’ve wanted alcohol. I’ve craved meat since Day 1 but beer wasn’t desired until today. Signs of darker days ahead I reckon.

The Quorn conspiracy deepens. New evidence has come to light that shows ‘in early 2009, after reading Dr. Joel Fuhrman’s book Eat to Live, Alanis Morissette adopted a vegan diet which helped her lose weight and get healthy.’ (Source Wikipedia…of course it’s reliable!) Could it be that Morissette is using subliminal messaging through vegetarian products following the reading of this book to sell concert tickets?! So far we have a conspiracy that includes the father of British cinema, pop minstrel Alanis Morisette and a giant corporation.

In terms of food I couldn’t face eating mould today. To parody Tom Petty; the bacon is the hardest part. Whilst Friday mornings are usually celebrated with rasher filled baps at work there was none of the sweet meat today. So after a morning sitting around literally smelling the bacon, and without any coffee due to ‘bureaucratic interference’, the thought of processed fungi flavoured like meat had no appeal.

These are a few comments from members of the general public regarding Quorn:

‘It's not too bad Quorn once you get used to it’

‘Quorn is f#@$ing horrible. And it’s arrogant food. It pretends its something its not, and then laughs in your face.’

With such differing views on the darling of ICI where can one turn? Fresh ingredients had to be called for. As such the vegetarian dish of the day is:

Eggs

Ok, yes it’s a copout but you got two dish of the days yesterday so today we will discuss eggs. Eggs are the most versatile of cooking ingredients. You can fry them, scramble them, boil them (hard or soft), poach them and many more. The option I went for was an omelette. The filling was cheese and onion…

I’ll get back to the mould tomorrow!

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 3 May 7th 2009

Options for the non-meat eater at the Shoprite ready food counter are almost non-existent. 12 types of chicken but the only thing on the menu I could eat was a cheese and onion pasty. It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife. (It would appear that vegetarianism brings one closer to Alanis Morissette. After only 2 days without meat I had a dream in which a cat took me on a tour of London before selling me tickets to an Alanis gig…can anyone say Hayao Miyazaki’s next film?)

Back to film mogul J. Arthur Rank’s role in the production of Quorn. Under the banner of Rank Hovis McDougall, formed from Rank’s acquisition of Hovis McDougall (see what they did there?), Joseph pushed research into creating protein from starch. In 1984 RHM formed a joint venture with ICI known as Marlow Foods; Marlow Foods created Quorn. ICI?!?!?! What business does the ‘British chemical subsidiary of a Dutch conglomerate and one of the largest chemical producers in the world’ have in producing a meat alternative? Probably the same business the Soylent Corporation had…

One of ICI’s largest plants is based in Teesside and was a massive influence for Ridley Scott when creating the industrial dystopia of Blade Runner. As we all know Blade Runner is a science fiction film that deals with many issues seen in Soylent Green. Coincidence…I don’t think so!

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

Linda McCartney Vegetarian Sausages: Food to come home to

Box Blurb: Vegetarian Sausages made from a blend of seasoned cereal and vegetable protein.

‘Vegetarian Sausage’ surely sits just behind ‘Fat Babe’ as the world's biggest oxymoron. A dictionary definition of sausage reads;

‘noun - minced pork, beef, or other meats, often combined, together with various added ingredients and seasonings, usually stuffed into a prepared intestine or other casing and often made in links’

Meat not vegetables! Calling them vegetarian sausages is like me getting a steak, shaping it like a rabbit’s favourite food and offering it for consumption as a ‘Meat Carrot’. But name aside what are they like? Actually very tasty! Whilst not comparable to a top of the line meat sausage these vegetable ‘sticks’ are in fact nicer than some of the more shady cheap sausages that haunt the concerning carnivore’s world (those are mostly bread and arseholes). The crunchy outer casing adds substance whilst maintaining the structural integrity allowing the ‘sausage’ to avoid the soggy pitfalls of other vegetarian products without having to overcook them and impair the flavour. Alongside other staples of the breakfast plate (in this case fried eggs, baked beans and chopped tomatoes) it was barely noticeable that the cigar shaped items were not full of meaty goodness.

Joining Linda on the plate was another celebrity. So let’s have a double bill of Vegetarian Dish of the Day.

Dettori’s (Italian for Good Food) Chopped Tomatoes in Rich Tomato Juice

Box Blurb: With Dettori’s Chopped Tomatoes you can create all your favourite dishes, knowing that you are using the finest Italian ingredients.

The Dettori in question is jockey Frankie Dettori in case you didn’t get that. Whilst I’m sure most people know that Netto is Scandinavian for value I bet you didn’t know Dettori’s is Italian for Good Food did you? (I always thought it was buon alimento)

Not much to say about these really. Tasty tomatoes indeed but lets be honest; even Netto own brand tinned tomatoes go down well. I just liked the name and thought it needed sharing.

And with that vegetarian food gets it first win. I genuienly enjoyed the meal I ate. However don’t worry! I haven’t even come close to being turned to the dark side. Come the 5^th June I still plan to be hitting the meat like Rocky in an abattoir!

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 2 May 6th 2009

Day 2 and the desires for the flesh continue. Whilst the fridge is now fully stocked with a huge variety of non-meat products there is still space in my heart for bacon.

Also I feel I’m uncovering a conspiracy surrounding the whole Soylent Quorn is people argument. The man who original commissioned research into the use of starch as a food for human consumption was J. Arthur Rank. This research led to the finding of the mould Fusarium venenatum which is used in the production of Quorn. What does the legendary film producer of classics such as Black Narcissus (whose cinematographer recently died; a bigger part of the puzzle?) and co-founder of Pinewood studies have to do with vegetarian foodstuffs? I’m feeling a mystery of Da Vinci Code depths building up. Was Quorn served at the last supper? I’ll find out!

Vegetarian Dish of the Day is:

Dalepak Spicy Bean Quarter Pounders

Box Blurb: A lightly seasoned blend of mixed beans, onion, red and green peppers and sweetcorn, coated in a crunchy crumb.

If these were placed in a bun with a real steak burger I think we would be onto something. As a side supplement to a main meal they would be perfect; as one of the non solo items in a meat and two veg combo for example. They just seemed lack lustrous on their own. Maybe I’ve come to need the chemical enhanced goodness of a dirty meat patty but the flavour just wasn’t there.

Even by adding all the trimming of a proper burger (shrooms, cheese, tomato, onions, lettuce and relish) the bean burger felt like another part of the orchestra instead of taking the role of conductor. Nobody was leading this food concerto and whilst some interesting flavours were being produced it wasn’t a concise effort. The Spicy Bean Burger is something to come back to perhaps, when the meaty juices have been flushed by vegetable abuse from my body, so at the moment I’m reserving judgement. It may have potential. Or maybe not.

Also it seems that a quantity of the above mentioned burgers had to be recalled in October last year due to under processed Kidney Beans containing high levels of the toxin lectin. And they say meat is dangerous for you!