The End of Teetotal Vegetarianism

The last few days post are missing as I had them on a memory stick that went missing. Maybe one day they will be uploaded if it ever turns up!

Surfice to say I won the bet, bought a giant double bacon sausage monster burger and then threw up.

Result!

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 25 May 29th 2009

“The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?” – Jack Handy

Today I’ve been reading about vegetarian shoes; a growing trend for those who won’t just stop at not eating meat but they also won’t wear leather or other animal skins.

Are your shoes vegetarian?

Robin Webb, creator of Vegetarian-shoes.co.uk talks about the concept;

‘’We have come a long way since Veggie Shoes first started in 1990. When I started the business back then I made all the shoes by hand. In fact, originally I only made one style - a basic lace up shoe.

I had started to teach myself to make shoes four years earlier after leaving Art College. I was inspired to hear that in parts of Africa, car tyres were recycled into soles. This got me thinking and soon I was making shoes out of anything I could lay my hands on, but being veggie I didn't want to use leather.

Then I made an exciting discovery, -a synthetic Microfibre material used for yachting upholstery. It looked and felt like supple leather, but was 'breathable', unlike other plastics. After some experimenting, I realised that this was what I had been looking for, and Vegetarian Shoes was born.’’

And Vegetarian Shoes will be at Glastonbury this year if you want to pop along. Sadly I won’t be there; I’ll be eating meat in a pub wearing my suede jacket and leather shoes!

Vegetarian Dish of the Day;

Grown for Pleasure Seeds of Change Jalfrezi Medium Hot Organic Indian Sauce

Box Blurb: This sauce meets the Soil Association's standard for Organic Food and Farming. This Jalfrzi takes you firmly into spicy territory. Deliciously piquant, it brings together crisp red and green peppers in a feisty combination of authentic spices and herbs. Let your taste buds sizzle.Seeds of Change donates 1% of sales to the research and promotion of biodiversity and suistainable organic practises. All of the ingredients grown for this product are 100% organic. No Artificial Additives or Preservatives

Possibly the most limp wristed curry sauce in the world. It gets bothered about how the soil is. But boy is it tasty. So tasty I wrote a song about it;

I folow the Moskva

Down to Gorky Park

Eating the seeds of change

An August summer night

Soldiers passing by

Eating the seeds of change

The world is closing in

Did you ever think

That we could be so close, like brothers

The future's in the air

I can feel it everywhere

Cooking with the seeds of change

Take me to the magic of the moment

On a glory night

Where the children of tomorrow dream away

With the seeds of change

Cooked it up with Quorn Chicken pieces and it was extremely edible. I’m getting better at stomaching Quorn. I cleared my plate!

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 24 May 28th 2009

''Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon'' - Doug Larson (writer)

All this hippy nonsense is getting too much. I walked past one of Ramsey’s many ‘Crystal’ shops (yes, a shop that sells crystals and yes, there is more than one in the town of Ramsey) and I noticed this sign;

Loving making jewellery!!! Someone has created jewellery that can have sex! That or their grammar was a bit off.

However I went on to read something more bizarre later in the day;

''Vegetarian or vegan cat food has been available for many years, and is targeted primarily at vegan and vegetarian pet owners. While a small percentage of owners choose such a diet based on its perceived health benefits, the majority do so due to ethical concerns. Cats are obligate carnivores and require nutrients (including arginine, taurine, arachidonic acid, vitamin A, vitamin B12 and niacin) found in meat sources that cannot be obtained in sufficient amount in plant sources. According to the National Research Council, "unsupplemented vegetarian diets can result in harmful deficiencies of certain essential amino acids, fatty acids, and vitamins." Vegetarian pet food companies attempt to correct these deficiencies by supplementing their products with synthetically produced nutrients'' (Wikipedia)

Poor guy just wanted some meat; no more vegetarian cat food

I’m an obligate carnivore, I hope I’m not down on an required nutrients. But in terms of cat food it’s a bit mental. I always wondered who the 2 out of 10 cats were. While all their feline chums are tucking into Whiskas these poor moggies are suffering a nutritionally void vegetarian option. As the website vegancats.com says they are a ‘cruelty free alternative for cats and dogs’. However cats are naturally cruel (I’ll never forget the cat who brought me the severed head of a baby rabbit that it had just killed) so who are vegetarians to deny the natural way of things? Its ok for them to choose to not eat meat but to force their belief on a animal who will just go out and kill anyway is on a Susan Boyle level of mental! (She likes cats, wonder if hers gets vegetarian cat food…)

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

Quorn Sausages

Box Blurb: Deliciously succulent Quorn sausages perfectly seasoned with onion.

Having thoroughly enjoyed Linda’s sausages I thought I would give the Quorn ones a go. I pan fried them but things looked off from the starts. The sausages gave off a thin white foam and looked hideously dry. I thought I was in a vile time but as I bit into one I was shocked. Textured almost identically to a dodgy meat hotdog and tasting almost the same it was a revelation. Obviously no good if you don’t like those but to create such a match without the need for mechanically reclaimed meat should be applauded. I served them with mashed potato to create the English classic of Bangers and Mash. In terms of vegetarian sausages I would rate these over the highly lauded McCartney version.

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 23 May 27th 2009

"Sex is good, but not as good as fresh, sweet corn'' - Garrison Keillor (Radio Host)

Butter or did Garrison get excited?

Garrison Keillor obviously getting a bit too close to his sweet corn with that quote. Very Children of the Corn. Which is another reason to shun vegetables. Look what those kids did when pushed by corn.

Speaking of corn; try this puzzle. A farmer has to get his fox, his chicken and some corn across a river. He can only take one thing in his boat at a time. If he leaves the fox and the chicken alone the fox will eat the chicken. If he leaves the chicken and the corn alone the chicken will eat the corn. How does he get them all across?

I found this madness in the supermarket today; Vegetarian friendly soap. What next, vegetarian toilet paper?!

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

Discovery more adventurous tastes Mexican spicy Refried Beans

Box Blurb: Traditional refried pinto beans spiced with red pepper, cumin and jalapenos. What they lack in beauty they more than make up for in flavour.

These looks so bad they felt they had to acknowledge it on the pack. If ever I needed fake dog poop this is where I would go. But that aside I love refried beans and thought I would try and use them in a jacket potato. Interesting aside;

‘’The name is based on a mistranslation. In Mexican Spanish, the prefix re- is an informal form of emphasis meaning "very" or "well," not to be confused with the English re- and formal use of the Spanish prefix re-, which indicates repetition. Thus, frijoles refritos, the Spanish name of this dish, would translate to English as "well-fried beans," not "twice-fried beans’’

I’ve always been a big fan of Mexican food; it got me through a terrible ordeal in Newquay (thank you Senior Dicks). And whilst this brand is excellent and spicy in taste unfortunately as a filling refried beans quickly showed their incompatibility. Baked beans work well due to their tomato sauce but as their refried brothers lack as sauce and are very gooey. They were too thick I felt and whilst still very edible as a meal I think I will leave it to bake beans when it comes to Jacket Potatoes in the future. Refried beans can stay alongside Enchiladas where they belong.

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 22 May 26th 2009

‘’And, of course, the funniest food of all, kumquats’’ - George Carlin

Teetotalism was always a strange concept to me but nothing more strangely than the fact that Lynchburg, Tennessee is a dry county. For those who don’t know;

‘’Lynchburg is a city in the south-central region of the U.S. state of Tennessee. It is governed by a consolidated city-county government unit whose boundaries coincide with those of Moore County. Lynchburg is best known as the location of the Jack Daniel's distillery, whose famous whiskey is marketed world-wide as the product of a city with only one traffic light. Despite the operational distillery, Lynchburg's home county of Moore is a dry county’’

A dry county being someplace;

‘’in the United States whose government forbids the sale of alcoholic beverages. Some prohibit off-premises sale, some prohibit on-premises sale, and some prohibit both. Hundreds of dry counties exist across the United States, although most commonly in the South. A number of smaller jurisdictions also exist, such as cities, towns and townships, which prohibit the sale of alcoholic beverages. These are known as dry towns, dry cities or dry townships’’ (Wikipedia)

I guess being that close to temptation they had to put a law in place. Apparently the brewery is allowed to sell small commemorative bottles of JD to tourists, but not on a Sunday. Gods speaks louder than Alcohol in Tennessee. I’ve always enjoyed Jack Daniel’s but don’t drink as much of it as I use to after supping a whole bottle in a short amount of time and getting mighty ill. Maybe they need to make where I live a dry county.

Vegetarian Dish of the Day

Dalepak Cauliflower Cheese Grills

Box Blurb: A delicious blend of cauliflower, onion, green beans, vegetarian mature cheddar cheese and medium soft cheese, lightly seasoned and coated in a crisp crumb coating

I had stayed away from Dalepak products, part consciously and part subconsciously, following the Spicy Bean burgers and the health scare surrounding them. But I’m always prepared to give things another chance and so I cracked open the Cheese Grills. And very nice they were too. I love Cauliflower Cheese and these were an excellent contained version of that. The crumb coating was indeed crisp but not too thick which allowed the filling to shine through. Whilst nothing magnificent in terms of fine cuisine they were perfectly good at what they set out to be; simple food. Yet another product that works well on its own or as part of a main meal.

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 21 May 25th 2009

''If slaughterhouses had glass walls the whole world would be vegetarian'' – Linda McCartney

Since Linda McCartney was one of the pioneers of a vegetarian lifestyle and her food has featured in this endeavour I thought it only fair we should explore the woman behind the eats.

‘’A pioneer in both the vegetarian and animal rights movements, the late Linda McCartney shared her knowledge and love of meatless cooking through a series of best-selling cookbooks including, Linda McCartney’s New Home Cooking and Linda’s Kitchen: Simple and Inspiring Recipes for Meatless Meals. In 1991, Linda launched her own line of meatless frozen meals in the United Kingdom. With her husband, Paul McCartney, Linda promoted the health and environmental benefits to be gained through a vegetarian lifestyle, and through her company, she was always looking for creative ways to bring new and delicious tastes into the realm of wholesome eating’’

The information was from the website www.linda-mccartney.com as was the following which describes the mission plan of the company.

We have been making good tasting, high quality vegetarian food since 1991 when Linda started our food company. Our intention was — and still is — to provide our friends and customers with an easy, healthy alternative to a meat-based diet.

Since then, we have produced popular vegetarian meals for an ever-more environmentally aware world. As animal lovers, we are proud that our products are cruelty free and that not one animal suffers in the production of our delicious meals.

We sincerely hope you will enjoy our line of food and that you will join us in helping to make our world a better place for us and our children to live in - Paul McCartney’’

Linda McCartney died aged 56 as a result of cancer in 1998. Paul McCartney suggested people turn vegetarian as a tribute to her. An act almost as noble as a Gentlemans Wager...

Vegetarian Dish of the Day;

Linda McCartney Vegetarian Country Pies

Box Blurb: Soya Mince in a rich onion gravy within a light flaky pastry pie

The first thing I noticed about these was the very thick pastry. Even when meat is locked inside I like my pies to have a thin crust. The box has promised a ‘light flaky pastry’ but I found it very stodgy. The mince was also very gritty and was more like real mince than the Quorn stuff I have been so enjoying. Perhaps I had a bad batch but these were not what I expected. Not terrible but they really lacked the finesse I was hoping for from a McCartney dish and was another poor showing following the Quarter Pounders; all whilst Quorn is sneaking up the rankings. After the beauty that was the Duke ShawZy pie these seemed pretty light weight. Nothing to stop me going through the slaughterhouse glass after Alice.

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 20 May 24th 2009

'Mustard's no good without roast beef' - Chico Marx


Another Sunday and off to the fish and chips shop….no, that’s a lie. No chips or battered mushroom today. The meat-eaters of the house played a cruel card on me today. They were going to have Shepherd’s Pie; second only to a roast as the finest meal a man can eat on a Sunday. So I stepped up to the plate and created something beautiful;

Duke ShawZy’s Gardener’s Pie
(It can’t be called Shepherd’s pie as they raise animals to kill, so I thought a gardener is like the shepherd of the vegetarian….)

I had the mince base thanks to Quorn. But I needed a gravy-like substance. Then it dawned on me. Vegetable soup! Ok, it didn’t dawn on me. That was the only thing I could find in the cupboard that was even close to being able to do what I wanted. But boy did it work out well!

So to make a Duke ShawZy’s Gardener’s Pie you need;

1 Tin of Heniz Vegetable Soup

Half a bag of Quorn Mince

One chopped onion

One large chopped carrot

Enough mashed potatoes to cover the dish you’re using

A mix of grated Red Leicester and Mature Cheddar; enough to cover the mash.

To make a Duke ShawZy’s Gardener’s Pie you have to;

Add the mince, soup, onion and carrot to a pan and heat for about 20 minutes.

Pour the mix into a casserole dish.

Top with mash and then top that with grated cheese.

Pop under a grill until cheese in melted and crisp.

Serve.

Done!

The only problem is what gravy to serve it with. I didn’t have any Onion gravy in so what was I to do? Then I noticed it; a small V on side of a carton of Bisto gravy granules. Suitable for Vegetarians! Who would have thought it! The search was over.

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 19 May 23nd 2009

'Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce Pray' - Moorish Proverb


3 weeks in and I needed a night on the town. Douglas, capital city of the Isle of Man, is not a place for the sober on a Saturday night. Like something Hunter S. Thompson would have described. Hideous people in various states of drunkenness. Normally I’m one of the masses but on this rare occasion I saw the other side of the beast. After a few Colas I headed to a charity concert to see the Island’s premier blues musician Mr Riff.

Whilst at said charity gig a conversation was struck with a musician who wanted to break into the world of anti-folk music. What’s anti-folk you ask? He reckoned it’s like normal folk that doesn’t take itself very seriously but also takes itself very seriously. Confused? So was I. Wikipedia describes it as;

‘The music sub-genre known as anti-folk (or antifolk) takes the earnestness of politically charged 1960s music and subverts it. The defining characteristics of this sub-genre are hard to pin down, as they vary from one artist to the next. Nonetheless, most would accept that the music tends to sound raw or experimental; it also generally mocks the seriousness and pretension of the established mainstream music scene in addition to mocking itself’

Still none the wiser! I’m sure if I was drunk I would have been quite impressed by anti-folk but with all my wits about me it just had to nod politely.

After a spot of midnight tea with Mr Riff I took a leap of faith and headed off to the local nightclub. All I can say is that it stunk of vomit and sweat.

But what’s the best thing about going to a club sober? Drunken girls buy drinks for you! Normally if both parties are drunk then chivalry kicks in and the inebriated male demands he pays should the female raise a notion to use her hard earned cash. But when the male is sober and the female is drunk then it’s like taking candy from a baby (which I also did, stupid drunken baby couldn’t even fight back). To quote one girl ‘I’m buying you a drink because you have kind eyes’ If only you knew baby! (The only shame was the drink had to be non-alcoholic, a triple cheeky Vimto would have gone down well though that would have brought about the usual situation of me paying! Catch 22 indeed)

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

Branston Pickle

As I was out on town the only food I could obtain was a cheese and Branston pickle baguette from a convenience store. Since we have already looked at cheese that leaves us with Branston Pickle!

‘Branston Pickle is made from a variety of diced vegetables, including swede, carrots, onions, cauliflower and gherkins pickled in a sauce made from vinegar, tomato, apple and dates with spices such as mustard, coriander, garlic, cinnamon, pepper, cloves, nutmeg and cayenne pepper with sugar. In recent years the sugar has been replaced with high fructose corn syrup.’

However it almost ended;

‘At 1:45am on 27 October 2004 a massive fire almost destroyed the entire Bury St Edmunds factory and cut the stocks of Branston Pickle in half, thus reducing the supply of the product and in some instances increasing the price. The factory is now back in production and has recently launched Branston Tomato Ketchup and Brown Sauce along with a range of relishes and Baked Beans’ (Wikipedia)

I also like the varieties of burger relish that the Branston Brand produces. They got me through the Linda McCartney burger. I recommend the Hot Chilli and Jalapeño one!

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 18 May 22nd 2009

'If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat' - Tom Snyder

I was awoken in the early hours by an incessant buzzing and the occasional bang. I looked up to see a Cockchafer launching an assault on my bedroom. Yes, you read that right, a Cockchafer. And no it is not someone who chaffs cocks. It is the proper name of a May Bug. Big ugly beetle-like insect;

It noticed me and turned its attack toward in my direction; dive bombing a poor defenceless teetotal vegetarian. I ran for the sanctity of the bathroom and hid for 5 minutes listening to the damage being done. After a while I manned up and headed out to capture the beast; and after a long drawn out game of wits it was returned to dark that it had emerged from.

I thought it prevalent to include this tale of woe in the vegetarian section of the blog as according to Wikipedia;

In some areas and times, cockchafers even served as food. A 19th century recipe from France for cockchafer soup reads: "roast 1 lb (454 g) of cockchafers without wings and legs in sizzling butter, then cook them in a chicken soup, add some veal liver and serve with chives on a toast". And a German newspaper from Fulda from the 1920s tells of students eating sugar-coated cockchafers. A cockchafer stew is referred to in W.G. Sebald's novel The Emigrants.

People ate Cockchafers?! It’s enough to turn you off meat for life! Well, almost.

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

The co-operative cheese, garlic and tortelloni.

Box Blurb: Filled free range egg pasta parcels with ricotta, full fat soft cheese, Cheddar cheese, Italian style hard cheese and spinach.

The co-operative fusilli.

Box Blurb: Tricolour pasta twists made with durum wheat

As I was in a rush this evening I grabbed at the cupboard in search of a quick meal. Microwave fodder aside there is nothing quicker than pasta. There is a wealth of pasta in many shapes and sizes. Fresh pasta is cooked in hot water in a matter of minutes will the dried variety takes around 10 minutes. Throw in a pasta sauce and you have a filling meal. While it could be any kind of pasta the two I had in where a tortelloni;

‘Tortelloni are stuffed pasta, the same shape as tortellini, but larger. They are usually stuffed with Ricotta cheese and leaf vegetables, such as spinach.’

And a fusilli;

‘Fusilli (also called pasta twirls) is a small, thick, corkscrew shaped pasta. The word fusilli means "little spindles" in Italian. Green and red varieties of fusilli (or any pasta) are created by using spinach or beet juice, respectively, instead of water.’

(all definitions from Wikipedia)

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 17 May 21th 2009

'I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me' - Hunter S. Thompson, Gonzo Journalist


The Mikado revolution that I’ve started is taking shape. When using a public toilet today I noticed a pleasing sight in the dustbin. In place of the usual needles and drug paraphernalia there were three boxes of Mikado! Result!

One thing I’ve found when checking food to see if its vegetarian friendly is there are many different V logos out there. Shouldn’t there be a uniformed mark? On the Food Standards Agency is the following Question and Answer; www.eatwell.gov.uk

‘What does 'vegetarian' or 'suitable for vegetarians' mean?

There isn't a single legal definition of the word 'vegetarian', either in the UK or in Europe. This means there isn't one set of rules about when a food can be called vegetarian. So what a 'vegetarian' food does or doesn't contain could vary from product to product.

If a food is labelled vegetarian, this usually means that the food doesn't contain any meat or animal-derived additives such as gelatine (a gelling agent derived from animal ligaments, skins, tendons, bones etc.) In the case of cheese, it usually means that animal-derived rennet hasn't been used to make it.

Some vegetarians are stricter about what foods they avoid than others. Remember, if you want to avoid a particular ingredient, you can check the ingredients list on a food's label.

Manufacturers aren't required to label foods as 'suitable for vegetarians' because this is a voluntary practice. This means there are many foods without the 'suitable for vegetarians' logo that don't contain meat or animal-derived additives.

Foods approved by the Vegetarian Society can display the Society's 'Seedling Symbol'. To be approved, the food must meet a number of conditions, not just be free of meat and animal-derived additives. For example, foods containing eggs will only be approved if the eggs used are free-range.

Even though there isn't one set of rules about when a food can be called vegetarian, general labelling laws prohibit manufacturers and retailers from describing a food in a misleading way’

There you go then!

One of the many V's you may find

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

Quorn Chicken Style Pieces

Box Blurb: Delicious, tender Quorn pieces perfect for stir fries, curries, casseroles and all your favourite recipes

Don’t worry. Your not experiencing Déjà vu (or nIb'poH if you’re a Klingon…who said watching Star Trek: The Next Generation was a waste?) Quorn Chicken Style Pieces have featured already but with disastrous results. However shopping today I found ‘fresh’ Quorn Chicken Style Pieces in the chiller cabinet. So I decided to try them again. Following the box blurb in that they are meant to be delicious in a variety of dishes, and the first dish I tried being a stir fry, I decided to give a curry a go; it being the next dish mentioned. My original complaint was that without much sauce the pieces didn’t taste too good. So I hoped a curry would mask the short fallings and provide a better dish. And it did. Using a classic Balti sauce the finished meal was definitely edible and whilst it seems crazy that to make it edible I had to cover the Quorn in a spicy sauce I guess its just par for the course when it comes cooking mycoprotein. The less of it you can taste the better!

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 16 May 20th 2009

'Vegetarianism is harmless enough though it is apt to fill a man with wind and self-righteousness' - Robert Hutchison, address to the British Medical Association, 1930

Since we live in such a celebrity obsessed society I thought today would be a good day to look at some of the big names who make (or made) it their business to not drink alcohol. It’s worth noting that many Teetotallers spent plenty of time drinking alcohol before they turned their backs on the Nectar of Gods.

Famous Teetotallers:

Donald Trump – Entrepreneur

Tilda Swinton – Manly looking actress/ Queen of Pretence

Gerard Way – Lead singer of My Chemical Romance

Peter Kay – ‘Comedian’

Adolf Hitler – Fuhrer of Germany

Michael Martin – Ex-speaker of the House of Commons

Robert Mugabe – President of Zimbabwe

Andy Murray – Tennis Player

All reasons why being a teetotal is like owning an Audi. It makes you a cock! (Jeremy Clarkson said it, the Audi bit anyway, so it must be true)

If ever a man needed a drink....

However, in the interest of fairness, there are some people who don’t drink that I would like to have a drink with if they did drink (and in some cases if they were still alive);

H.P. Lovecraft – Horror/ Sci-Fi Writer

Samuel L. Jackson – Actor (Jurassic Park)

Ross Noble – Comedian

Abraham Lincoln – 16^th President of the USA

Tom Cruise – Actor (Mission Impossible) (say what you want about him, I love the little guy!)

Also there are some smoking hot babes who don’t drink which sadly makes pulling them that little bit harder for the average man (as in the chance goes from 0.00000001% to 0.000000001%);

Kim Cattrall – Actress (Big Trouble in Little China)

Fearne Cotton – Presentor

Elizha Dushku – Actress (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Natalie Portman – Actress (V for Vendetta)

Sarah Silverman – Comedian

And in an instance of cosmic irony (not to be confused with literal irony; that’s aimed at you ALANIS!) the man behind the voice of Homer Simpsons, TV’s favourite drunk, Dan Castellaneta is a teetotaller!

Keeping with the celebrity theme its back over to Linda McCartney for today’s Vegetarian Dish of the Day;

Linda McCartney 4 Vegetarian Quarter Pounder Burgers

Box Blurb: A vegetarian burger flavoured with onion and seasoning

After original hating then being won over by the Quorn Burger I had high hopes for Linda’s entry. So far Linda has been a mark of quality. However it is with a heavy heart (from years of eating fatty meat burgers) that I report these to be quite awful. It might be the fact that the Quorn burgers are small enough to be discreet when used correctly but as a Quarter Pounder I just couldn’t stomach the bland, dryness of these. I found myself overdosing on sauce to at least add some flavour to the proceedings. I cooked two and could only just force my way through one. Unlike the Quorn Burgers these can’t be micro waved (thankfully) so I opted to grill. Was this a mistake? Like the Quorn would I have been better shallow frying. Is that the secret to adding flavour? In this case I doubt it.

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 15 May 19th 2009

''This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption... Beer!" - Friar Tuck: Robin Hood Prince of Thieves

Alcohol has been around along time. According to Wikipedia;

‘The purposeful production of alcoholic beverages is common in many cultures and often reflects their cultural and religious peculiarities as much as their geographical and sociological conditions.

The discovery of late Stone Age beer jugs has established the fact that purposely fermented beverages existed at least as early as c. 10,000 BC. It has been suggested that beer may have preceded bread as a staple.’

So it’s possible that people were getting drunk well before they were making cheese toasties. What did they eat when they got the munchies? Many ancient civilisations supped the ale but I’ve always like Egypt so lets see what Wikipedia has to say about their role in the production of alcoholic beverages;

‘Evidence of wine only appeared as a finished product in Egyptian pictographs around 4000 BC.

Brewing dates from the beginning of civilization in ancient Egypt and alcoholic beverages were very important at that time. Symbolic of this is the fact that while many gods were local or familial, Osiris was worshiped throughout the entire country. The Egyptians believed that this important god invented beer, a beverage that was considered a necessity of life; it was brewed in the home "on an everyday basis."

Both beer and wine were deified and offered to gods. Cellars and wine presses even had a god whose hieroglyph was a winepress. The ancient Egyptians made at least 17 types of beer and at least 24 varieties of wine. Alcoholic beverages were used for pleasure, nutrition, medicine, ritual, remuneration and funerary purposes. The latter involved storing the beverages in tombs of the deceased for their use in the after-life.

Numerous accounts of the period stressed the importance of moderation, and these norms were both secular and religious. While Egyptians did not generally appear to define drunkenness as a problem, they warned against taverns (which were often houses of prostitution) and excessive drinking. After reviewing extensive evidence regarding the widespread but generally moderate use of alcoholic beverage, the nutritional biochemist and historian William J. Darby makes a most important observation: all these accounts are warped by the fact that moderate users "were overshadowed by their more boisterous counterparts who added 'colour' to history." Thus, the intemperate use of alcohol throughout history receives a disproportionate amount of attention. Those who abuse alcohol cause problems, draw attention to themselves, are highly visible and cause legislation to be enacted. The vast majority of drinkers, who neither experience nor cause difficulties, are not noteworthy. Consequently, observers and writers largely ignore moderation’

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

Quorn Surprisingly Versatile Deli Wafer Thin Ham Style

Box Blurb: Ideal for snacks, sandwiches and salads.

I really haven’t got much to say about this. Identical in texture to the Chicken Style I sampled early on in the bet. It has a faux ham taste that your brain reads as ham but then gets a bit confused as to why it did. No bad but then nothing special either.

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 14 May 18th 2009

‘Nothing more strongly arouses our disgust than cannibalism, yet we make the same impression on Buddhists and vegetarians, for we feed on babies, though not our own’ – Robert Louis Stevenson

First things first! No updates for a while because I have been without a PC. But don’t worry I’ve been making notes!

Did you know that the 1^st of October is World Vegetarian Day? Whilst not as good as the 19^th September (Talk like a Pirate Day for those not in the know) it looks interesting. While its still a long way off until this years event chances are I will be tucking into a hog roast come October 1^st so we will have to examine it now.

According to the official website;

‘World Vegetarian Day was founded by the North American Vegetarian Society (NAVS) in 1977 and was endorsed by the International Vegetarian Union in 1978. October 1 is the official date, however, if necessary, individuals may schedule their event on a nearby day instead’

Come on Vegetarians, have a little fight in you. How meek is that. Don’t let people reschedule! Make them have there event on the day set aside for them.

World Vegetarian Day is the kick-off for Vegetarian Awareness Month. I assume that lasts all October.

Below are some suggestions for Non-vegetarians to get involved;

• Eat meat-free for the day or throughout the month – (Who in their right mind would go meat-free for a month?)

• Learn how a vegetarian diet can benefit you personally

• Try the meatless options available at local restaurants and eateries

• Discuss vegetarianism with your interested friends, family and co-workers – (Only your interested friend mind, don’t go bothering thought not interested)

• Host a meatless meal or potluck for your friends - (Potluck, like a meaty Russian Roulette. 6 Meals. One contains steak. The others contain Quorn. Who will be the lucky one?)

• Eat meatless meals on a regular basis

They are very polite if nothing else!

You can find out more at http://www.worldvegetarianday.org/

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

The Co-Operative Summer Eating Stuffed Peppers

Box Blurb: 2 red pepper halves filled with cooked long grain rice, roasted butternut squash, onion, cream cheese, sun-dried tomato paste and garlic topped with Cheddar cheese and breadcrumbs.

I’m a big fan of peppers. These however were very middle of the road. The mixture featured in these was edible but maybe too cluttered. Check the list in the box blurb section. Could they cram anymore into a humble capsicum? I doubt it. Another problem with these was they were not really a stuffed pepper. The pepper had already been split before cooking and the filling added to each half. As such you don’t get the same affect as if the pepper was whole when cooked. The butternut squash didn’t bond with the rest of the ingredients and I think taking it out would benefit the whole. I oven roasted these but they can also be barbecued. I think this method would suit them a lot more; adding an extra dimension. In the oven they took a lot longer than the stated cooking time and even then they seemed a little undercooked. Tasty but could be better!

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 13 May 17th 2009

''Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fun-gi!'' – Traditional 11^th Century Proverb

Another Sunday, another trip to the fish and chip shop. Two weeks in and this blog has made it look like I go every Sunday but I swear its just coincidence. After last weeks disappointment of just chips I was determined to look past the mushy peas and find something else to eat. And whilst not a treasure trove I at least found a few gems.
Battered Mushrooms and Cheese and Onion Pie (Animal rennet-free; I asked!). The pie wasn’t great but at least it was something. Too stodgy but then I shouldn’t expect finery from a Chippy. The shrooms on the other hand were heavenly. Served with a garlic sauce I could have eaten them for hours. And with that let’s look at the Vegetarian Dish of the Day.

Mushrooms

Mushrooms are the vegetarian’s steak. And whilst they go down exceedingly well with a real steak they are, to me, the Wundergemüse. Which is impressive considering they are not a vegetable but a fungus. I will even go so far as to describe them as ‘meaty’. They are the perfect natural replacement for real meat in many dishes. Be it the Foo Yeung at a Chinese, battered at a fish and chip shop or as a topping on a pizza; without the mushroom takeaway food would be even more depressing for a vegetarian. At home they can and should be added to every meal; vegetarian or not. When raw they have a dreadful dry texture and it is only during cooking that they come to life.

The mushroom usually used for all this is properly known as a Button Mushroom (Agaricus bisporus to give the Latin name) but like a host of z-list celebrities we don’t need the full name to know what is being talked about. The thought of eating mushrooms once disgusted me; it was like eating mould (oh hang on!). But then one day, many years ago, I ordered a chicken and mushroom pizza instead of chicken and sweetcorn by accident and it suddenly clicked. Since then mushrooms have been revered by me. Plus Super Mario practically lives off them so if they are ok for him then they are ok for me. I'm just upset they don't make me grow bigger. We will just have to leave that job to Jessica Alba.

Also the bet is for no drink or meat. Other illicit substances were not mentioned and as such not included. Maybe the humble mushroom can provide me with an alternate for the alcohol side of the bet as well… (Before the police break down my door, give me a brutal beating which leads to my death then deny that they were at my house until someone posts a video on YouTube only to eventually get away with it despite growing public resentment the above comment should be taken as a joke!)

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 12 May 16th 2009

''I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer’’ - Homer Simpson

When I was a kid I wondered why people drank alcohol; killing their brain cells and looking a fool. Then I got drunk myself and have never looked back, until now. As I’ve looked a lot already at vegetarianism it’s about time I started to think about drink; the other half of the bet. I spend a lot of time under the influence of the nectar of the Gods and despite waking up many a morning thinking ‘never again’ I enjoy it. Like any drug it is a release from normality. As the English poet Samuel Johnson said ‘He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man’. And while it is no less dangerous than many drugs that can send you to prison for possessing or distributing them it is an accepted part of modern society. What of the people who choose not to party till the puke? They are called Teetotallers and practise Teetotalism. The Miriam-Webster dictionary defines this as;

noun: the principle or practice of complete abstinence from alcoholic drinks.

For more information we can turn once again to Wikipedia; the fountain of possibly compromised knowledge. ‘Some common reasons for choosing teetotalism are religious, health, family, philosophical and/or social reasons, and, sometimes, as simply a matter of taste preference. When at drinking establishments, they either abstain from drinking or consume non-alcoholic beverages such as tea, coffee, water, juice, and soft drinks.

Contemporary and colloquial usage has somewhat expanded teetotalism to include strict abstinence from most "recreational" intoxicants (legal and illegal, see controlled substances). Most teetotaller organizations also demand from their members that they do not promote or produce non-alcoholic intoxicants.’

I guess they should add ‘Gentleman’s Wager’ to the list of reasons!

One thing that is always welcome on a Saturday morning following a drinking session the night before is a fry-up. Greasy bacon, greasy sausage, fried eggs, fried bread. All these things mean that the UK has a lot of people with heart problems later in life but fewer hangovers in the here and now. Now a fry-up is usually better from a medicinal point when the drink is alcohol but in the name of science I am trying to go about my usually routine so whilst the fry-up was not needed to cure a headache it would usually be eaten for this purpose.

As I couldn’t find any vegetarian sausages I had to resort to the last remaining pitiful Quorn burgers to add some bulk to the plate. Then something magical occurred. Shallow-fried and served with eggs, beans, toast and chopped tomatoes the once frowned upon mycoprotein patties must have looked at their pitiful last attempt and decided ‘We will not go quietly into the bin’ and brought the thunder. Maybe two weeks in I am just becoming more accepting but this was a fry-up I would certainly do again.

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

Quorn Mince

Box Blurb: Deliciously versatile Quorn mince, perfect for bolognese, chilli, cottage pie and all your favourite recipes.

Many people who I have talked to about the bet have said that Quorn Mince is very tasty and even thought they are not vegetarians they use it over minced beef. Things were looking good for Quorn then. After the top form of the burgers for breakfast could the mince do enough to give them a 1-2 finish on the podium?

At first I was hesitant. It was mince Jim, but not as I knew it. But as I got going I lost my initial trepidation. If I hadn't know better there is a high probablity I wouldn't have been able to tell this was Quorn. In terms of texture it is spot on, as prophesised, without the gristle. So there are no random and distasteful instances of nasty bits getting caught up in your teeth. Cooking couldn’t be simpler. Add the frozen mince to a pan, add sauce and cook. No cooking the mince for a bit first as usual with a meat. I went for a chilli con carne and it was spot-on. This costs about the same as your mid-level mince but is tenderer and a mind easily tricked can imagine it is getting a higher quality meat meal. It’s a replacement product that uses stealth and does a successful job whilst not bringing attention to itself with OTT flavouring. Another win for Soylent Quorn then! The futures bright! The futures green!

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 11 May 15th 2009

Some things are just beyond explanation. Such as the fact that Cheese Moments are a non-vegetarian snack whilst Walkers Steak and Onion crisps are 'suitable for vegetarians' Madness!

But there is method apparently. 'Cheese Flavoured Moments are unique among popular crisps and snacks in that they actually contain a real cheese filling inside the wheat exterior. Because of this they are allowed to use the word "Flavoured" in their title. Because the other crisps do not contain the real ingredients they instead use the word "Flavour". This is a legal requirement in the UK' (Wikipedia).

So just to confirm; while the Steak and Onion crisps are just Steak and Onion flavour (as in contains no meat products) the Cheese Moments contain a real cheese that contains animal rennet.

Rennet is 'is a natural complex of enzymes produced in any mammalian stomach to digest the mother's milk, and is often used in the production of cheese. Natural calf rennet is extracted from the inner mucosa of the fourth stomach chamber (the abomasum) of young calves. These stomachs are a by-product of veal production. If rennet is extracted from older calves (grass-fed or grain-fed) the rennet contains less or no chymosin but a high level of pepsin and can only be used for special types of milk and cheeses.’ (Wikipedia)

There are non-meat rennet’s available (usually made from mould or genetically engineered surprise surprise!) which is why many cheese products can bear the 'Vegetarian Friendly' mark. Why they couldn't use a vegetarian safe cheese in the Cheese Moments is beyond me! (Listen to me; defending the rights of the meek. Well I never!). On a side note I didn't have any Steak and Onion crisps. Like a smoker smelling second-hand smoke I was worried I would relapse. I stuck to the Cheese and Onion crisps (Flavour not Flavoured; didn't have to worry about the rennet)

After a session in the pub (alcohol based or not) it's customary to indulge in a takeaway. Tonight it would be a Chinese. At this particular takeaway the menu has 103 dishes (116 including side orders). Of these only 3 didn’t contain meat (15 including side orders). My options were Mushroom Egg Foo Yeung, Curried Vegetables or Mixed Vegetable Chow Mein. I had a wealth of rice, mushrooms and beansprouts to choose from on the side, which of course could be combined to create a new Gestalt meal, but it’s seems a bit harsh even to me. 3 options! Out of 103 dishes! That’s like 97.1% of the menu is off limits to those whom don’t eat the meat (sounding very M.Night Shyamalan circa The Village (2004) there).

In the end I went with the Mushroom Foo Yeung with a side of the old vegetarian favourite; chips. If anything I will have eaten a lot more of those potato-based treats than usually over the course of the bet. And I managed to resist the Prawn Crackers too. Whether they are actually Prawn ‘Flavour’ as opposed to ‘Flavoured’ I don’t know but didn’t want to take the risk.

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

Mikado

Box Blurb:

Mikado are ultra-thin, crunchy biscuit sticks coated with wonderfully smooth milk chocolate. We've left one end bare so you don't get your fingers sticky! To create this deliciously different snack we were inspired by the game of Mikado, also know as 'pick up sticks'. We hope you enjoy it.

As I had a takeaway tonight I didn't get round to cooking anything but as these make a point of pointing out they are suitable for vegetarians I thought I would keep with the Far East theme and make these today’s product. Why? They are insanely tasty. Whenever I go to continental Europe I make it my business to get some and now they have been launched in the UK life just got a whole lot better. The term ‘moreish’ was penned to describe these tasty treats. I can clear a box of these quicker than Bugs Bunny can chow down a carrot. Strangely these are originally a Japanese product based on a game invented in Europe named after the Japanese word for Emperor. Talk about the long way round!

What’s making me laugh at the moment is some of the response over the advertising campaign used to launch these in the UK. An advert in which a young officer worker, desperate to get some Mikado in her, ends up making upskirt photocopies as her fellow male office worker walks in.

As per usual the Christians and the Do-Gooders have been getting in on the act; calling it sexiest and degrading. In the words of Nigel Tufnell; 'What's wrong with being sexy?'

You can see the ad here; http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x91m5b_mikado-advert_shortfilms

And here are some of my favourite complaints (spelling and grammar that of the original writer):

Comment A - Probably only a night time advert - japanese office worker (male) stumbles upon woman (presumably secretary) photocopying her vagina (straddling photocopier) followed by image of long thin biscuit being coated in chocolate (phallic/sex image?) and the tagline 'more than a little bit tempting' - Is it just me, or is that really sexist and gross?

Comment B - Her legs are very wide apart and the guy coming into the room is staring fixedly at the photocopies of her (presumably) butt and genitalia. Insinuation more than anything. I'm not offended but I think it's inappropriate before the watershed.

Comment C - Well, the timing of the advert for one, as it is before the watershed.

I also find it offensive because it just isn't a funny, clever or ironic advert, particularly out of context. Who on earth would think that showing an advert of a woman straddling a photocopier would make me want to buy a bloody biscuit? I think it is the product of a group of juvenile advertising executives looking to create a storm of protest.

Comment D - She is kneeling and they both look horrified. The full version does not offend me, and unless the man has a very thin penis I don't think that biscuit is big enough to rate as phallic imagery. I think it's in poor taste to only spend money showing the 10 second version until it's either a very well known ad or it was later at night.

Comment E (Mine) - Get a grip PC fools! Just buy and eat the damn biscuits so they stay in the market, otherwise I’m coming for you all with a chair, gaffer tape and a compilation of gangster rap....

(all comments taken from mumsnet.com, except the last one…)

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 10 May 14th 2009

“I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are” – Groucho Marx.

The best thing about Groucho Marx is the fact he painted on that thick greasepaint moustache. Well that and his physical comedy and the lack of swearing in his work.

Groucho aside, at this point I want to clarify the difference types of vegetarianism;

Vegetarianism – The practise of a diet that excludes meat (including game and slaughter by-products; fish, shellfish and other sea animals; and poultry).

Veganism - a form of vegetarianism which excludes all animal products from the diet, such as meat, poultry, fish, dairy products, eggs, and honey.

Lacto-vegetarianism - includes dairy products but excludes eggs.

Ovo-vegetarianism - includes eggs but not dairy.

Lacto-ovo vegetarianism - includes both eggs and dairy products.

Semi-vegetarianism - consists of a diet largely of vegetarian foods, but may include fish and sometimes poultry, as well as dairy products and eggs.

I guess that makes me a Lacto-ovo vegetarian until the end of the bet. (Definitions from Wikipedia)

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

Quorn Gruyere Cheese Escalopes

Box Blurb: Succulent quorn escalopes topped with a rich gruyere cheese sauce, and coated in crunchy golden breadcrumbs.

Quorn you sly old dog! Just when I thought you were out of the race, you come back with something as brilliant as this! I could not for the life of me tell that this was not a meat escalope. I even checked the box to make sure I hadn’t been tricked or bought the wrong product!

This tasted exactly like the meat it replicates. No strange over-flavouring or blandness and after a string of disappointing meals this really lifted my spirits. It was so full of flavour and deliciously crispy. If you can’t tell; I’m smitten!

I enjoyed my escalope with pasta but it would be equally tasty with potatoes, rice or a salad. They can be oven cooked or shallow fried (my chosen method of preparation). If Quorn is people then I would happily call myself a cannibal if all their products tasted this good. Linda McCartney; the ball is back in your court!

Teetotal Vegetarianism - Day 9 May 13th 2009

“Man degrades himself by consuming intoxicating drinks and non-vegetarian food and by indulging in smoking. These noxious habits affect the brain also.” - Sri Sathya Sai Baba

I wish I could degradee myself. I plan to seriously degrade myself at the end of this month!

According to Wikipedia:

‘‘Sathya Sai Baba, born Sathyanarayana Raju on November 23, 1926 with the family name of "Ratnakaram", is a controversial South Indian guru, described by his followers as a godman and miracle worker. The Sathya Sai Organization reports an estimated 1,200 Sathya Sai Baba Centers in 114 countries worldwide. The number of Sathya Sai Baba adherents is estimated to be somewhere around 6 million, although followers cite anywhere from 50 to 100 million. Followers consider him to be a reincarnation of the saint Sai Baba of Shirdi. This claim, however, has been strongly disputed.

Allegations of sexual abuse, deceit, murder and financial offences surround Sathyanarayana Raju. A BBC documentary notes that such controversies have persisted for at least 30 years. According to the BBC, "The scale of the abuse has caused alarm around the world... Governments around the world are deeply concerned and are beginning to take action, warning their citizens about Sai Baba." The website of the American Embassy in Delhi, in a direct reference to Sai Baba, warns Americans visiting Andhra Pradesh of a "local religious leader" who reportedly engages in "inappropriate sexual behavior" with young male devotees. The embassy states that "most of the reports indicate that the subjects of these approaches have been young male devotees, including a number of U.S. citizens’’

Is this what vegetarianism can do to you? I hope my will is strong enough to resist! Good hair though!

Vegetarian Dish of the Day:

Pizza

Everyone loves pizza! Even those who don’t like eating pizza still love pizza. When I get a pizza I would usually go for the meat feast; the more meat the better! Chicken, Ham, Sausage, Salami, Pepperoni, Spicy Beef. There are so many possibilities. However the great thing about a pizza is the versatility. It can be just as special for a vegetarian as it is for the carnivore. Start with the Margarita, the base of almost all pizzas with its cheese and tomato, and instead of meaty delights instead you can add a wealth of vegetable toppings; mushrooms, capsicum, onion, a host of cheeses. The only limit is your imagination!